... About Affirmative Action

“My son would have a very hard time getting into Dartmouth because he is white.” No. This isn’t a joke. This was a real sentence that someone said to me. “It’s very impressive that you got in, but at least you had something else going on because…” They caught themselves before they finished. What they were going to say was “because your half Chinese”. This wasn’t just a random person either—this was a family member. They said that I had set the bar very high by getting into Dartmouth and that now their son thought he could get it but he can’t because he is a straight middle-class white boy.

I was so shocked at first that I didn’t know how to respond. Then, I was concerned. This was a family member and one that believes themself to be very liberal. I didn’t want to argue and then have a fallout. In my family respect for elders is also very important and I didn’t want to come across as disrespectful. I just explained that actually there are a lot of white boys at Dartmouth. In fact, they are the largest single group of students. “Yes, but it is so competitive and they are all extremely smart and talented.” Yes. “And so are all of the rest of Dartmouth’s students that also earned their place at Dartmouth,” I replied.

I don’t know how this woman with her straight, white, upper-middle-class, prep school educated son was arguing that the odds were stacked against him. The system was literally built for him. Even if he doesn’t go to college, there is still a very good chance that he will be successful. But he will get into a college and it will be a great college. He is going to one of the best high schools in the nation and he is receiving all of the support he could possibly want, both academically and in extracurriculars. He has just as good of a shot as anyone at getting into Dartmouth. I wanted to say these things, but I didn’t. Instead, the conversation just ended there.

I will have to have another conversation and say all of the things that I left unsaid and confront them about the fact that they inferred that the reason I got in was that I was half-Chinese. Their own insecurities and insecurities about their son should not be taken out on me. I tried to be respectful to them, but I also have to respect myself enough to stand up for myself. Boy is this going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but now that I am home, it is going to have to happen.